Fourth in the series: 4 Core Aspects of Health & Wellbeing: Relationships, the sacred space between us.
Intimate relationships can be challenging at times. #understatement. So we turned to Carrie Contey, PhD for some practical— and tactical— ideas about navigating the sometimes sticky part of our lives we call partnership. PLUS we added ideas to support you along the way.
INVEST IN THE RELATIONSHIP
Make little investments (kind words, simple gestures, warm touches, sweet texts) and big investments (dates when you can, physical and emotional intimacy, time away alone) into the relationship bank account. Be mindful of keeping the account from going into the red.
Casa Bosques Chocolate contains tryptophan, one of the building blocks of serotonin that regulates anxiety, happiness and mood, and phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamines which is released in the brain when people fall in love.
BE HONEST AND OWN YOUR STUFF
When you start to feel resentful because your partner is or isn't doing this or that, check in and notice what’s getting triggered. Own that you are tired or overwhelmed or feeling frustrated or feeling inadequate or feeling scared. Take responsibility for how you are feeling instead of putting it on your partner. It's so easy to do the latter, and so much more productive to do the former.
Replenish We love the Replenish blend from Kotuko Elixirs— deeply nourishing, Replenish tonifys Yin, and is great for when we’re experiencing “burn out.” Most notably, the formula contains Albizia (Mimosa Flower), which is referred to as the herb of happiness.
MAKE IT LIGHT
Make it fun. Make if funny. Find the humor in the absurdity of the fact that you committed to each other. It’s really kinda entertaining when you take a small step back and see this experiment we’ve voluntarily taken on, being in partnership.
Lesse Face Masque That we get to let it all hang out with another is a gift, and at times a hoot. Painting on a masque never fails to bring levity to any situation and Lesse’s unisex, bioactive charcoal formula both treats and prevents issues above and below the surface… (of the skin).
REGULATE THEN COMMUNICATE
When you’re feeling hot, before you speak, try to be aware of where you are in your brain (see below).
If you’re in the Reptilian Brain (red), don't talk. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Give your self some time to navigate to your Human Brain. If you’re in the Mammalian Brain (yellow), before you speak, take a moment to take an action that gets you back in the Human Brain (green)—where communication is most clearly expressed and received. Remember your partner is hearing your brain state WAY more than he/she is hearing your words. Oh, and no one is a mind reader. Express yourself clearly, from a kind human brain.
Pure Belgian Rosewater Cool things down. Rose is a miracle in this department. A few ideas from Carrie— take a big breath (or 4), drink of glass of water*, splash your face with water*, jump up and down, walk outside... * Add rosewater to amplify and/accelerate to cooling.
FIVE TO ONE
For every one criticism, give five appreciations. Practice this regardless if you voice the criticism out loud or you think it to yourself. 5 to 1. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Love Ritual Bath Soak Aromatherapeutic essential oils (Cinnamon + Patchouli + Rose Oils) meet with mineral-rich soaking salts and dried rose petals creating a bath soak perfect for any self-care indulgence—especially while making mental appreciation lists.
LET IT BE
Cut everyone around you, especially yourself, a whole lot of slack. Be like Teflon, let the annoyances slide off. Try to let at least 50% of what bunches you up . . . go.
Brightland Artisanal EVOO Speaking of Teflon… you know what else keeps things from sticking to a pan? Yup.
PUT ON THEIR SHOES
We all want to feel heard. We all want to feel heard. We all want to feel heard. Give your partner the gift of really listening. And then try to see that person's point of view. Oh and remember, you can be right or you can be connected. But you can't often be both. Go for connection.
Boketto LAB Ear Seed Kit Ear seeds are a type of auriculotherapy, which is acupressure or acupuncture focused on the ear. Based on the same general principles as acupuncture, and using the outer part of the ear as a map or microsystem of the body. It's curative as well as bling.